She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
