Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
