you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize