the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
