I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
