Having a random hookup so left but love u
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
