pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
