You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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