i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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