yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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