Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize