you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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