hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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