I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize