I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
