i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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