I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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