I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
