My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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