So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
