If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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