Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
