So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
