Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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