you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
