Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
