Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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