I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
