we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
