he was CRYING into my vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
