too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
