i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
