i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
