he wants to bone in the snuggie
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
