How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
