Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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