If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
