So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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