I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
