i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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