From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
