I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
