all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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