Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
