so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
