New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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