i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
