Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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