there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
