doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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