All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
They have beer where we have blood.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
