awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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