woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
