my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
