i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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