i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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