you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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