I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
