you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were trust falling into bushes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
