I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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