i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
