I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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