Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
