lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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