I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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