All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
