Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize