im gay
i know
yea but for you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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