You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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