Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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