he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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