im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize