i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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