I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
