sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
