pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
