so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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