he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
