I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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