R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
